Weekend Update

Since I know all of you are absolutely riveted by the goings on in my life, I thought I'd provide you with a brief catch-up on my weekend.

Things that happened Friday:
1.  I was cranky because of lack of sleep/guilty conscience due to fire (see previous blog entry)
2.  My stress ball deflated (see saddest, most ridiculous thing in all the universe)
3.  I consumed two watery bloody marys and then bemoaned the lack of necessary amounts of vodka to help me deal with items 1 and 2.

Things that happened Saturday:
1.  I got a massage!   It was devine, except that the masseuse said he couldn't believe the amount of knots I had in my back and shoulders and asked if I had an "inordinate amount of stress."  I think that was a tactful way of asking if I was a neurosurgeon, stripper, or a similarily taxing profession.   No, sir, I'm just as neurotic as a character in a Woody Allen movie and this translates into muscle-clenching.
2. I got to see my mom and dad in Columbus for coffee.  They are the best people in the world, and I'm always instantly comforted by the way my mom smells and my dad's "weekend casual" untucked shirts and the way he cannot figure out the difference between my mom's "skinny vanilla tall latte" and my "grande latte with skim". 
3.  I went to a comedy club and was called up on stage and by called up, I mean I said, "I have something really cool I think people should see," and then I proceded to do my Jurassic Park spitting dinosaur impression under the spotlight.  I was told, "it would be really great to your swallowing dinosaur" to which I said, "I bet it would."   Apparently older drunk men love me--after the show I got a lot of, "hey Annie, you were hilarious" and even creepier, "Annie, you have hot legs."   Thanks, nasty drunk man, I'll put that in my pocket for a rainy day.

Things that happened yesterday:
1.  A longer than maybe is ok spooning session with my cat in bed.
2. Reading in a lounge chair by the pool and realizing that as summer closes, my usual shade of white is only half a shade darker but significantly more freckled (so, I'm counting it as a win).
3.  2 hours of work at which I was so mentally furious that I think my negative cosmic energy jinxed something because it ended up being unecessary and unproductive.
4.  An attack of fall allergies which left me wheezing and red-eyed and puffy.   After locating Zyrtec things improved significantly while I
5. watched netflix in bed and fell asleep at like 10pm.


That's my recap, how was your weekends, ya'll?