Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Today when I got out of work at 5, I had a buzzing headache.   I don't know how else to describe it. I felt like a halo of stress was buzzing around my head like some bizarre blood-pressue elevating force field.   I know from experience there are only two ways to get rid of that kind of stress headache; 1. Working Out 2. Drinking heavily.   I am pleased to report that I chose the former.

I always get into a weird mood of self-congratulation after a workout.   I feel like I've been doing extra credit, instead of just maintaining bodily health as is expected of every human being.   I ran on my little treadmill, and after I was done I felt like I had been reborn in my own sweat.  My buzzing headache was replaced by a satisfying dull ache in my legs and also with a sense of pride swelling in my bosom.  Maybe I feel so amazing because my choices aren't always so physically and mentally satisfying.  

Last night, for instance, I was so tired and drained when I finally got home to my apartment (at about nine o'clock) I tucked into cookie-dough ice cream (which is made for stress-eating, like, let's make something taste like cookie dough so fat, depressed single women don't have to physically eat it out of the tube).   The sheer physical exertion of stuffing my face left me exhausted, and I fell asleep, spoon in hand with the television on, only to awake at 2:45 am to an informercial for the Ninja Blender, still clutching the spoon in my left hand.   The only difference between that and an addict's "rock bottom"?   That I was holding a spoon instead of needle full of heroin.  I really need to be more careful, apparently everyone who started working in my office gained 15-30 lbs within the first few months.   I will slit my wrists if that is me.

But that's just the physical stuff.  I could fill a binder with all the mentally unhealthy practices I participate in.  Comparing myself to models in the magazines, engaging in magical thinking, being cynical and jaded at age 22.  But one of the most mentally unhealthy things I do is check facebook.

I'm not talking about "facebooking" my friends.  I was talking about this with my co-workers the other day, and we identified three reasons why one might look someone up on facebook 1) you actually know and like them 2) you're jealous of them and want to view their pictures and compare yourself unfavorably 3) you want to feel better about your own life.   Number 2 and 3 are pretty much unacceptable if one is aiming for sanity.   I however, engage in both... a lot.    Oh whatever, don't judge, you all do it too!   Recently, for example, I saw a girl who used to call me fat has gained about 80 lbs. since highschool.   VICTORY!  And that perfect girl that I wish I could be?   Yeah, she's still perfect--she and her attractive boyfriend just got back from Bora Bora!   Want to see the pictures?  Of course you do.

So while I've quit smoking, cut way down on drinking, eat (with the exception of last night) healthy, and work out 3-5 times a week---obviously I'm a far cry from peak health--especially mentally.  

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