As someone with generally low self-esteem, one of my favorite activities of all time is people-watching, largely because it makes me feel better about myself. And last night I pretty much hit the people-watching mother load. Picture it: twenty-somethings all the way up to sixty-somethings gathered in an outside venue to listen to the faded glory of the once funkadelic KC and The Sunshine Band as they try (somewhat desperately and pathetically) to maintain their relevance. I enjoyed the concert in itself and also because I knew I would get to blog about and make fun of it later. The two factors working together simultaneously is a rarity, and believe me when I saw I appreciated it this magical opportunity.
Backing up, my boyfriend might be the best one in the world. Yesterday was his birthday and having little to no interest himself in KC and The Sunshine Band, took me just as a goodwill gesture. A few days earlier Matt was talking about how "some band he'd never heard of" with "like one really famous song" was coming to Dayton and his work was giving away free tickets. Obviously, my first question was what band and/or what song. He couldn't remember. So I toddled off and thought nothing of it, until as I was driving home from his place that night and saw a huge "KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND" billboard. I frantically texted Matt, "Was it KC and the Sunshine Band?!" It was. I berated Matt for thinking their "one famous song" was "Shake Your Booty" while neglecting "Get Down Tonight," "Boogie Shoes," "That's the Way I Like it," and "Rock Me Baby". I told him he better snatch up some of those free tickets. I, however, being the worst girlfriend in the world, didn't realize the concert was this Friday, aka Matt's 25th Birthday. In order to make sure Matt didn't feel guilted and cheated out of his birthday, I sent numerous emails stating to him that I would never say a word if we didn't go to the concert. I also said that it was his birthday and I would do anything he wanted--even if that meant skipping the concert entirely an eating at China Buffet (which I am against in principle, I don't like to eat from feeding troughs) and then beating up hoboes. When I was satisfied that Matt didn't feel obligated to take me, I was emotionally unburdened, thus free to look forward to the concert.
And what a treat. There were a lot of what I like to call "Dublin Moms" at the concert, Dublin as in my hometown, Dublin, OH which is basically the OC without water. Lots of wealth and lots of bored, rich, women. Dublin Moms wear bedazzled tight dark-wash designer jeans which would almost be fashionable, expect no one actually fashionable wears jeans with white embroidery and sparkles on the pockets. They also wear lots of stretchy leopard print tops with sparkles as if to say, "Hey I'm over forty, but I'm still hip." Sadly, the whole outfit says instead, "High school was the best time of my life and now my husband and I sleep in different beds. I sometimes want to kill myself. Please rescue me." Often accompanying these Dublin Moms were Dublin Dads, who also wear rocker jeans, hair gel, and linen shirts as if to say, "I'm successful, but not a fat-cat sell out. I'm still in touch with my rocker days." I however, get the impression, just like their female counterparts, the truth is sometimes they look into the mirror in their designer bathroom in their McMansion and they think, "My God, I hate myself." I suspect, the way these Dublin Moms and Dads cope with their meaningless existence, is to drink heavily and to "party". You often see them at bars trying to fit in with the twenty-somethings. Last night, it was amazing and disgusting to watch them, because they were trying so desperately to relive their "party days," and they were gyrating and screaming with glee up at the stage where stood a complete has-been.
Let me tell you about "KC" of "KC and the Sunshine Band". First of all, this guy is probably 240 lbs. He looks like Meatloaf. I told Matt that and he asked, "The food or the singer?" Actually in this case, both apply. KC also fancied himself a comedian and he said jokes like, "To all the young people who don't know me, I was your parent's 'NSYNC!" Cue gales of laughter from the crowd. My thought, "whoa buddy, don't flatter yourself, you were more like our parents Ying Yang Twins." Also, he apologized for his weight gain, saying he recently quit smoking. Unless he just quit smoking crack, that doesn't justify how his doughy, flabby body looks. But then, with stunning agility, he spun and said, "Not bad for a Grandpa, eh." And I was in heaven. It was amazing and I was embarrassed for him. Win Win. Also, he had really hot, female, black backup-singers and dancers, and at one point, during a duet, he was groping one. The contrast between the hot, young, backup-singer and the gross, aging, disco singer made me want to call Eliot Stabler from Law and Order: SVU because the whole thing looked downright PERVY.
That being said, I loved every second. I was jamming out to "Boogie Shoes," and loving the great music and loving watching older women put their hands in the air and say, "hey, ho" on cue. There were bald men with their hair slicked back into ponytails and even a couple in full-on purple polyester disco attire, complete with afro wigs. Delightful. I know it was Matt's birthday, but I couldn't have asked for a better present.
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