This morning, as I was driving to work, I was thinking about the Kardashians. As I am not even remotely aquainted with these people, they don't regularly run through my mind. But before my commute this morning while lounging around my apartment, I read an article in "The Economist" (or maybe it was "US Weekly") detailing poor, long-suffering Khloe Kardashian's woes. She can't get pregnant. She's the "plain" sister (she'd probably still be the prettiest girl in your High School but no one looks decent standing next to the ass mecca that is Kim Kardashian). She is criticized constantly for her weight. Blah Blah Blah. As I was driving, I thought about how terrible it must be to the least attractive sister, especially in a family like that. But when I thought more about it, I realized Khloe is actually the most grounded, well-rounded, and the least self-centered of all of them. It occurred to me, being the "ugly duckling" (which again, she's not really) probably made her a better person.
This weekend I talked to a girl at Oktoberfest, who incidentally went to U.D. As I was chatting with her, my boyfriend came over to me with a cup of coffee from Graeters, and kissed my head. From this girl's reaction, you would have thought he'd slain a mountain lion for me and laid it at my feet. "Oh wow! You didn't even have to ask for that! I want one!" A coffee? Well, there's a coffee shop. Literally 30 yards away. She wasn't talking about the coffee, she was talking about my boyfriend. Apparently something as small as getting a coffee for me when he knew I was getting cranky and tired was enough to make this girl think my boyfriend is the catch of the century. And not that he's not...but for getting coffee?
The more I talked to this girl the more I realized she was not lucky in love. Her boyfriend, quite frankly, sounded like a load, and I wouldn't have put up with any of his shit for a New York minute. And as I was listening to this girl talk about how she wished she had a great boyfriend like mine, I looked at her and thought, "Really? How am I the winner in this situation?" Girl was gorgeous. Stupid gorgeous. So gorgeous that I felt like a big turd sitting next to her. She had long black shinny hair, perfectly white teeth, and she was tiny but still feminine looking. In short, she's the kind of girl that makes other girls look like water buffaloes. But with all her looks, she still couldn't find a guy to be nice to her. Basically her whole life people have just used her for her looks, I imagine she goes on lots of dates and gets hit on a lot at bars, but she just looked miserable talking about who she was dating and at the same time full of optimism. And why shouldn't she be? I'm sure any guy would love to date her. I realized that actually isn't the case, any guy would love to fuck her but wanting to get to know her? Not unless you repeat that in a cheesy guy pickup line way, the same way changing tires can be made into a sexual advance. (yeah baby, I'll change your tires). What?
Growing up, all I wanted to be was pretty. I felt like a puffy, white, beluga whale, what with my pale skin, doughy body, and awkward social graces. And I used to imagine that everything would be easy if only I could look like one of those girls. You know, the girls that men write poetry about. In the fifties they wore cashmere sweaters and tight pencil skits, in the 80s jean jackets and Benetton. Men would describe these girls using terms such as "angel," and "goddess". I think the nicest thing a boy ever said to me in high school was that I "had a decent rack but I talked too much." Thus, thankfully, I've never had the problem of too much male interest. But are the pretty girls really better off? Does any of it guarantee happiness?
Look at Khloe Kardashian, she seems to have the most normal, happiest, healthiest relationship of the bunch--and come on, she's no Kim. And look at people like Christy Brinkley, Sandra Bullock, Princess Diana, etc. All these gorgeous women were cheated on at the prime of their attractiveness. It didn't matter! I think, really, when it comes to relationships, the best bet is to be a little plain (good news for me!) Just attractive enough, but not so attractive that all people want is your body or to put you up on a shelf. Maybe "The Coasters" were on to something when they said: "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view--get an ugly girl to marry you."