So as you may know from my previous blog, The Women, I am warming up slowly to the idea of female friendship. And while I love my work friends and friends from college, I am realizing I probably should be actively seeking female friendships outside of work. So last night, when I started chatting outside the bar with a woman about my age, smoking a cigarette, I thought I was doing just that. She seemed really funny and down to earth. She asked for my phone number and said we should hang out sometime. I congratulated myself for making a new friend. She even had a gay guy with her. I love the gays! Maybe I would get two new friendships out of this transaction. Win Win!
Unfortunately, when she texted me later in the evening I realized it was not at all as I had originally thought. It was, instead, more like another previous blog, I am a weird-people magnet. The texts she sent me were extremely salacious in nature. And she informed me, "I am as bi as the day is long," and then went on to say she'd like me to "put on a show" with her while her bi (not gay incidentally) guy friend watched. Shit. I felt a combination of disgust at being treated like a piece of meat and deep, deep flattery because she also said I was "fucking gorgeous". Is that wrong?
To be fair, there were some clues as to the direction this was going. I just was too stupid to notice them. For instance, usually female friends don't say things like, "You're so fucking beautiful, we should definitely hang out." Now had a guy said that to me, I give myself enough credit to know that he was hitting on me. But from a woman? I just thought she was being nice...I also might have insinuated something I didn't mean when I replied, "Sure, I'd love to meet some more girlfriends in Dayton!" Oops.
To my credit, she was wearing high heels instead of Birkenstocks, which really are the only surefire, tell-tale sign of a lesbian encounter. But, I must ask, how the happy hell does this happen to me? What vibes am I putting out into the Universe? I guess it's nice to know I have a backup plan if this "man" thing doesn't work.