Wednesday, January 11, 2012


One of my New Year's resolutions was not "to figure out what I want and get it,"  but it should have been.   Because that's a thing I want to do.  So as a complement to my last post, which listed many things I do not want, I am going to present a list of what I do want.  Specifically in a man.   (Get it, MANifesto?)  So without further ado;

I want a man who knows he's supposed to match his shoes to his belt, and also not to wear white socks with a suit.   I want a man who loves and respects his mother, but also, at his core, knows she's a pain in the ass to deal with and that we shouldn't accept her calls during dinner (or most of the time).   I want a man who knows that masculinity is not dutch oven-ing me, eating up my entire sunday with football, or talking about other women's asses with his friends.  I want a man who has morals like Atticus Finch, confidence like Clark Gable, and an ass like Daniel Craig.   I want a man who is not pear-shaped.   I want a man who thinks most organizations are stupid, including fantasy football, fraternities, cults, and the PTA.  I want a man who is intellectual enough to discuss art, literature, film, and cuisine, but also silly enough to laugh when I  make that face I make when something really grosses me out.   I want a man who does not have a male butt-buddy, whom he thinks it's ok to invite along on dates.  I want a man who will tell me when he's pissed off, happy, scared, sad, etc.--because I do not need a brooder.   I want a man who knows I can call my sister a hippie all I want, but if he ever says shit about her I'll unleash hell.   I want a man who will make out with me in the middle of IKEA.  I want a man that thinks it's funny to shock people, but also knows when to turn it off and not embarrass me at my aunt's house.  I want a man who will still want to have sex with me when I skip a day shaving my legs or wear granny panties.   I want a man who does nice things to make me happy, not because its Valentines Day or my birthday (but he obviously should do shit then too).  I want a man who is humble and kind to others.  I want a man who has college degree and a job.  I want a man who isn't married to his job, but instead who realizes work will never hold his hand while he dies--first.  I want a man who thinks it's charming, not embarrassing, that I sometimes have food on my face, spill coffee, miss buttons, and forget to wear a bra that doesn't show.  I want a man who hates all the same things I hate, which in my case, is way more important than liking the same stuff I like.  I want a man who will eat a bucket of KFC in bed sometimes but who can also cook something other than mac n cheese.  AND most of all, I want a man who will love me like my father loves my mother, who I can love like my mother loves my father.

There it is.   If you know of anyone like this...he's probably already married.

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