If there is anything I learned from watching "The Millioniare Matchmaker" this morning while I brushed my teeth it is this--you have to balance your work life and personal life or you end up a forty-five year old millionaire who can't get anyone to ride his ride. Or, more likely in my case, a woman who works 70 hours a week and then comes home to find no one but her cat waiting for her, and even then, just for food and to stick her anus in my face.
Today at work, one of my co-workers had planned to leave at 4:30pm for a special date with her husband in honor of his birthday. She walked out of the door around 5:00pm while everyone in the office periodically shouted across the cubicle that she needed to go be about her business. Now, this is one of the sweetest ladies I've ever met in my life, and she definitely loves her job and the volunteers she serves. However, it's not unheard of to receive emails from her at 11:30 pm or even midnight--sometimes on weekends.
Now, I don't like to think I have the problem of being "married" to my job, and to combat that I am trying to actively pursue a life outside of work. But it's kind of hard, because I care about doing a good job, and I work a lot. And sometimes when I get home, the thought of doing anything but drinking wine naked in my bathtub while my cat watches is completely overwhelming. It's difficult to feel satisfied when you feel as though the only time you have a personal life is during the weekends. And being that I was sick last weekend, I have felt as though I haven't had a personal life at least since 2 weekends ago.
I was someone who used to get excited about going to my college classes, because there were endless possibilities. I would always run into new people at class or in the dining halls or getting coffee; being in the University made me feel like I was part of a very, quaint English town--small enough to be manageable but big enough to not feel alone. And I lived with 5 girls. There was always something going on, even if we were just bitching because someone left their hair in the shower drain. Now I live alone. And my office is small (with no men to even have weird stalkery imaginary trysts with). I feel like I live a solitary existence. Work to home. Home to work. I don't want my job to dominate my life. I honestly don't like it enough for that.
So, how can I, make room in my life for an actual life instead of for whatever I'm doing right now? I feel like Sandra Bullock in "While You Were Sleeping,". Or Liz Lemon, who has admited she's had dinner in front of a mirror to feel less alone. Sadness a Scavenger Hunt: Sometimes I go the entire days without talking to anyone not work related except my mom. This job and I need a divorce.