I used to think I would very much enjoy having the means to stay inside and sit on my ass all day, slowly allowing myself to morph into Jabba the Hut. I have to admit, however, after two days of being quarantined to my apartment with the flu, with nothing but the internet to occupy me, I am going bat shit crazy. I am ill and delirious, but also, so very bored.
Do you ever feel like no one in the world can hear you?! I do. Because I've gone through my phone book (the one on my phone, obviously, who has a literal phonebook?) and called everyone I know and thrown tons of energy out into the universe and received nothing back. No one is around. People are all out enjoying the holiday weekend while I am inside, trying to muster the energy to put my arms over my head and wash my hair. Also, I think it goes without saying that I'm feeling very sorry for myself.
So unfortunately for all of you, while I am delirious with fever and bored out of my mind, I am going to recap the ways in which I have tried to keep myself entertained. Really, less for your enjoyment than for mine.
-I took 3 baths today; I have succeeded 0 times in washing my hair
-I watched every episode of Archer: Season 2. Three or four times. And if watching it again with commentary was an option, I would have done that too.
-I made pasta with butter for every meal for the last 2 days, because I have not had the wherewithal to go grocery shopping. My mom thankfully brought some alternatives over this afternoon, but I have to confess, I still made pasta and butter for dinner tonight.
-I started to read "Glamour" magazine. Instantly vowed I would stop reading such stupid things. Then, an hour later, I attempted to read it again.
-I watched "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous," yes I was that bored.
-I texted my coworker that I was watching "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous," yes I was that bored.
-I slept. My dreams were even boring.
-I tried to trim my cat's claws, I realized I did not have the energy. One nail in.
-I've pitted out two t-shirts, I think my body is attempting to sweat out my fever, but even the baths can't keep up.
-I have been constantly checking facebook (20 or 30 times) to see if anyone wrote me. No one has.
-I have played various pitiful 3 letter words on Words with Friends
-I read my friend's blog, four or five times.
-I have blogged, twice.
Sweet Jesus, throw me a bone, people. Let me reemphasize, I watched "Miss Congeniality 2".