Friday, April 29, 2011

A gift that keeps on giving.

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now (I honestly live here, the "baristas" asked if I was coming in to work on my research Paper...because they knew I had one due next week.  That's how much I live here ya'll.)  But I have to go purchase gifties for the lovely ladies at my Honor's Office and I'm sort of at a loss because I don't know what to get them.  

Background:  I love gift giving.   You know those people who say they'd rather give gifts than receive them, and you think in your head, "bullshit, you lying whore.   I know you're too selfish for that to be a true statement," ?   Well, I honestly like giving gifts more than getting them.  It's not because I'm not selfish, either--it's that I like doing things I'm good at.  And I'm damn good at giving gifts.

Let's reflect.   My first boyfriend (who turned out to be an absolute turd, p.s.) received for our first Christmas together, a 500$ Movado Watch, engraved with his initials, which ironically were PMS (should have been a red flag) , and mine.   I wrote in the card, "Time without you is time wasted."  (Gag, I know, what can I saw, I'm a romantic!)  I presented it on Christmas Eve not when we exchanged gifts, but by asking him to grab my purse off the coffee table, where the gift was lying conspicuously.  SURPRISE, YOUR GIRLFRIEND ROCKS!

And my awesome gifts are not reserved solely for my lovers either, I like to spoil my family.   My gifts to my mother are things I know she'd never get herself.   Pucci scarves, a Coach wallet, a pair of white and yellow gold earrings, facials, manicures, etc.  My sister always gets some kind of artsy thing; a book in Spanish, a coffee table book, some patchouli perfume.   I like to get Bob jokesy presents since he seems so serious but actually is hilarious.  I got him a Bonsai tree last father's day and the year before that a shirt that said, "I'm Bob [last name concealed to protect the innocent], Bitch" because I feel he needs to assert his authority as a patriarch.  Spoiling the people I love is something that brings me crazy amounts of joy, because they spoil me by allowing me to call them with my problems or to sing loudly to Celine Dion in the shower when I visit home.

And it's not just at holidays.  I like to do nice little things, picking up someone's favorite candy for them, or writing a note to tell them I appreciate them.    You know, just to be thoughtful.   I once wrote my mom a poem when she was having some job drama, when I was like 9, that said, "You're boss is so assy, you have a right to be sassy.  I think you should quit, because he is a shit.  LOOOOOOVE, Annie"   My mom was so impressed with my thoughtfulness and creativity she forgave my potty mouth.  

But anyway, after I just bragged about how badass and awesome I am at giving things to people, I am completely at a loss as to what to get for these people I've worked with for the last 4 years.   How can I possibly sum up all the experiences we've had, and how they've come to feel like my family, with a gift card to Applebees or an inspiration statue of a bird from Hallmark  (things I'm not seriously considering)?   And while they feel like my family, they aren't.   They're my employers... so things like T-Shirts for everyone that say "We're the Mother Fuckin Honor's Department" or personal items like, I don't know, lingerie or grooming items are inappropriate.   I was briefly considering a signed life-size cutout of myself, but after I got it made, I liked too much to part with it, so it's currently in my bedroom.

Another valid gift idea which doesn't apply in this situation...

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